The 3 Musketeers are all gay and in a polycule. They explore each others bodies nightly. They will fight for your right to be queer in any way you want to be. Lowkey though, one of them DOES work for a defense contractor.

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Brb writing hit single Lethal Fruity Sex Hat

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ME, attempting to explain the relative sizes of mushroom fruiting bodies to STEPKID: Okay, so imagine that the vast bulk of a tree was underground but it occasionally grew a hat for sex. STEPKID: ……. ME: *shrug* STEPKID: Makes…sense…? ME: I missed my calling as a science communicator.

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Me: ...and I have anti-ICE whistle kits for adults if you want them. The adult: ...what? Six-year old: It's a WHISTLE KIT for when ICE is snatching someone off the street so you can let other people know! Duh! The adult looking at me, crushed that a six year old knows this: I'll have one. Thanks.

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this post brought to you by that guy who sat 2 tables over at the pub yday and kept checking me out for like 2 hours despite me sitting with my friends in a way that vaguely made it seem like we were on a double date, only for him to leave and be replaced by another guy who did THE SAME THING

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