Driving away from here is tough. Didn't expect it to be so tough. I've got to face the real world again. Now facing it alone without an oppo. It's harder than the day I left the village for the last time 18 months ago. I don't know if I'm strong enough. I have no plan for my future.

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It's honestly only the thought of getting his ashes that's keeping me going. The lonely emptiness is unbearable. And I think once I've done this one last job, I really will give up. I'm so ready to give up. It will be a relief. 7/7

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After that I'm unsure what to do. Will need to find another safe spot, close to food, water & loo for another few nights till I have to return back northwards again for another 40 miles to the vet to pick up the dog's ashes next week. 6

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I may pay to stay in car park at motorway svcs overnight, so I have access to loo & food in the morning. I don't want to be anywhere near a town tonight with it being Halloween. The motorway svcs are in a rural spot & I suspect will be quiet on a Sat night. 5

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After 3days of rest & just wishing away the long hours & minutes of nothingness, I've managed to dress & pack, ready to move. I'm heading to motorway services about 20miles away which has McDs there. I need food, hardly eaten for 4days. The drive will recharge both batteries & warm up the van. 4

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