We have to stop the "permanent standard time" people. They want to take away our late summer evenings and replace them with broad daylight at 4:30 in the morning. If people don't want permanent DST, let's just keep the status quo. Better a brief inconvenience than the disaster of permanent standard.

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eighty billion dollars seems like a lot of money to lose. I'm sure their stock price will soar in recognition of this incredible achievement, because everything is so very stupid.

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It’s only disavowal if it comes from the disavowal region of Michigan. Otherwise it’s simply a sparkling condemnation.

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My friend lost her job as a set designer... She wasn't very happy about it, but left without making a scene...

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This one time I was hired by the Royal Ontario Museum to dress up in a full dinosaur costume and encourage children to visit their touring exhibit. When a smug kid said, "You're not a REAL dinosaur, I can see your eyes" I hissed, "That's the child I ate for breakfast!" I was not offered more shifts.

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