First marathon day living with a runner starts with him walking out the bathroom and announcing: all lubed and nipped up, all my jiggly bits secured!

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You Can See Everything: that woman might be the actual devil, and she has terrible taste in men…unless that’s what she wants me to think Fuck

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If you can’t go see Ina Garten kick off her book tour and hear her say “I don’t like candy, but bread and butter…give the kids a croissant” when asked about trick-or-treaters, then store bought is fine

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You're just baby gorgeous Your energy is magic, magic You're just baby gorgeous If you feel it, then it happens, happens

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Went to a murder mystery dinner on a farm, solved the crime (I told everyone the drunk guy in the vineyard with a wrench was a red herring but they didn’t want to believe me…), and only managed to get this photo when I realized it was just me and the scarecrow in overalls

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