This afternoon, feeling uncannily out of place on the campus that produced my doctorate, where I am a full professor and graduate program chair, I must name this out loud. I am doing as much good as I possibly can. But, as my Alanon sponsor used to say, "Remember, Ebony, you're first on your list."

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As a mentor, I pour out. I am gentle with my students. I try to affirm them. I hold them close... so much that my writing and professional service has slipped. Students need SO much right now. It's a cruel time... with no sign of stopping any time soon.

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What's saddest is that I didn't feel this way 10 years ago. When the former U-M president sent out the announcement ending DEI, I sat at my kitchen counter. Cried and cried. Me, the whiz kid who used to boast that I "didn't need" affirmative action. 🙄 Let's talk about the human toll of this era.

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You know, I'm fighting it hard, but the scientific racism of the age is starting to get to me. Brain fog. Is it perimenopause? Late diagnosed ADHD? The unrelenting grief of this era? Or am I existentially doomed to feel out of place in these R1 academic spaces even as a full professor and chair?

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When new grads who can't find jobs say: *I thought I did everything right* and *I feel like I've been lied to my entire life* what will the political response be? Because if it's a public private partnership to *make sure US workers come out ahead in an AI economy* we are screwed

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