Felt cute or whatever

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like i obviously still find people attractive and am receptive to flirting and stuff but i can like. put that to the side if it's not the right move instead of having it eat at me and ruin my ability to maintain a regular social circle. it's like nice. it's cool. my emotional needs are being met.

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revelling in the strangely novel sensation of not feeling like i need to seduce my friends. it's like actually so wonderful to feel secure enough in a relationship that my brain doesn't feel like i need to be constantly evaluating whether or not someone will find me fuckable.

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but like. i love everyone who has ever shown me genuine compassion. you mean the world to me. i'm so bad at keeping up with people and i can be a flakey bitch if we don't share a common activity and my memory is awful but. i love all of you so so very much. thank you for putting up with my shit.

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one of the things about bpd is that i still feel really big feelings about my friends and i want to constantly tell them how much they mean to me but i also don't want to seem like a creep who's just being friendly to get in your pants. because i have actually been that creep. and i hate that.

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