Did he nod? If he nods you'll be fine. Kindred spirit.

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Dracula turns into a bat to avoid detection or for selfish personal travel purposes, whereas I would turn into a bat to pollinate local plants and help balance our precious ecosystem. Just one of several ways that I am morally superior to Dracula.

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An unfortunate consequence of playing hide and seek with my son at an adventure playground is that I look like a suspicious old man hiding behind a slide in close proximity to other people’s children

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On a train with my mother, we passed some allotments with people working on them and I said, “Mummy, are those peasants?”

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I got asked to leave Guides because I was “too sarcastic” and instead of telling my mum I just went to the rec each week to play football with the boys

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