My pastor friend: Whenever someone says we should go back to biblical marriage my immediate response is "What, like Solomon and his 300 wives?" Me, immediately: No one ever lets me have 300 wives. Cowards. I can be trusted with 300 wives. I'd be so good to my 300 wives.

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Soften up a horror film: Let As Many In As You Like

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Our day is here! Scare your neighbors. Celebrate the creepy, gory, eerie, and spooky. Talk to new ghosts. Make blood sacrifices to old gods. Dance in the woods at midnight. Drink out of the skulls of your enemies. Eat candy. Happy Halloween! (Art by Sam Heimer, like every year.)

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Teenagers trick-r-treating? That rules. The world demands they grow up too fast and blunt the edges of their souls. If they can still relish in play, the least they deserve is a fun size Snickers.

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