Note to husbands and wives: by all means ask your spouse to hoover but drop the word 'quick'. You can have a full but normal speed hoover or a partial hoover that's completed more quickly than a full hoover. But a square metre of carpet done well takes a set amount of time.

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No, that food doesn't taste different now. They haven't "ruined it." You were just 10 years old and the world was full of hope the last time you ate it.

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You can aalk around and talk between gasps with a heart attack. I apparently did. Cardiac arrest, not a chance of doing that and I clinically died 10 times.

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No, I’ve never had haemorrhoids, but I sympathise.

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'roid rage?

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