I'm just glad one of these men has the nuclear codes and the other has all our personal data.

DEAN: What's the tariff on bananas? LUTNICK: Generally 10% DEAN: Walmart has already increased the cost of bananas by 8% LUTNICK: If you build in America, there is no tariff DEAN: We cannot build bananas in America

this is like drake and kendrick lamar but they're both drake

must be incredibly frustrating and disheartening to have federal funding that was promised to you for important work suddenly and arbitrarily ripped away

The enemy of my enemy is still my enemy but I still like seeing them fight

We need details on this.

I got no popcorn left at this point.

hahahahahahahahahahhahahahahaha (breath) hahahahahahaha

Ah, the golden age.

this is a day for those of us who have spent the last six months terminally online. this is for us and honestly, we deserve it.

Get your popcorn ready.

This message brought to you by Harriet Tubman, an actual person who actually lived.

the president wont see your cheap dunks against jeffery epstein . But your friends who have ties to state sponsored pedophilia will

Really poignant piece of street art from artist TopZ out of Seattle!

Wait... is this the best meme ever made?

gentleman, gentleman, please, there's no need for this! you are both in the epstein files.

We are probably only moments away from an actual wig snatching.

Didn’t realize this was a prophecy.

I wish them both the worst.

it’s funny that they’re both on their own personal websites posting their little posts

Apropos of nothing I feel like one of the most important things to help your kids develop is an ability to self-regulate.

Everyone on Twitter right now.

Was I wrong?

I'm trying to get to the bottom of it, folks

I’m not sure if you can overdose on schadenfreude but we’re about to find out

It’s the happiest day of Elon Musk’s life because he finally posted something people actually want to read

Reading is fundamental!

if the wheels had come off this thing any faster it'd be a Cybertruck

battle to see who kills themself first

If you’re overstimulated, please report to the Bluesky cooldown tent where we have orange slices and someone who doesn’t understand the concept of jokes waiting for you

Weird they're showing Swan Lake on Fox right now

I think we’re making some progress now on this therapy session. Yes, this is real.

i'm starting to see some scoldy posts pointing out that we are laughing about a fire on the deck of our sinking ship and i have to be honest once the ship started sinking i decided i would take the laughs where i found them

TRUTH BOMB 💣 this guy is a Pedophile. I also made him President

Elon Musk, the genius visionary who could not predict that the guy who has betrayed every person he has ever met would betray him

elon musk to donald trump at every meeting in the oval office: “you are in the epstein files. meet my 3 year old son”

finally a worthy Alien vs. Predator installment

forcing JD Vance into the middle of this against his will is such an incredible bonus

the enemy of my enemy is not my friend but watching them smack each other in the nuts is still very funny

Between the Elon Trump fallout and 30 percent of dead Russian bombers this is shaping up to be a pretty nice little week

Now, more than ever

this is just like the parable of the scorpion and the scorpion

today

Happy Musk vs Trump day for all those celebrating.

🍿

Very good question.

To make the company seem giving, they donate YOUR money.

I feel like Musk could really blow MAGA's collective minds just by continuing to tweet out facts the rest of us have known for years but never penetrated their media bubble.

Let's be fair here. Just because Elon says that Trump is in the Epstein files and just because there are dozens of photos with Trump & Epstein together and just because Trump called Epstein a "terrific guy" who "likes beautiful women as much as I do, and many of them are on the younger side"...

BREAKING: HAHAHAHA

📢 App Version 1.103 is rolling out now Share posts via DMs or other apps! There’s now a “Share” button on every post so you can quickly send them to friends.

Men are too emotional to use social media

The entire internet right now.

there are decades where no posting happens, there are weeks where years of posting happens

I didn’t think this was real

Oh, I’m sorry. Did your rational and logical economic system not account for what if two terminally online men had a falling out?

Yall im crying

This feels like Alien vs Sexual Predator

why not decommission it the usual way: launching it into a million pieces over protected wetlands

I'm sorry, as much as I am enjoying this spat, how can you take seriously someone who spent 100s of millions of dollars electing Trump, then went to work for Trump, left government just days ago praising Trump, and is now calling for Trump's impeachment. Just unserious people.

No joke, Trump has to fire all of them now. They're a sabotage risk to the administration.

Elon posting on X that Trump “is in the Epstein files” was definitely not on our bingo card.

"I was this pedophile's biggest supporter until he was personally mean to me" seems like a bit of an own goal.

CNN: Trump v Musk MSNBC: Trump v Musk Local News: Trump v Musk Random guy at Target: Trump v Musk Literally everyone in my text messages: Trump v Musk Fox: is a zebra a horse?

Musk says Trump is in the Epstein files and it is being covered up. This escalated quickly.

Big balls showing up at work tomorrow:

From The Archives: Trump Locks Bathroom Door So Elon Musk Can’t Follow Him In theonion.com/trump-l...

is being terminally online bad for you? yes does it make you less happy than your offline friends? absolutely is there anything that matches the high of a poster's ragnarok? there is not, and that's why we can never log off

the democrats should invite Elon to meet with them. tell him that the meeting is on a patch of sticks and leaves that APPEARS to be sitting atop solid ground. but here is the twist,

O Lord, they fight! I will go call the watch.

Elon calls for Trump’s impeachment.

Elon said Donald’s bill was bad and then Donald said he Elon knew what was in it and then Elon called him a liar and that he rigged the election for him and that Donald’s name is all over the Epstein list and that’s why it’s not been made public which means Elon has been covering up for a pedophile.

As the prophecy foretold.

Lord, I know I am not perfect. I know I stray from Your will. I know I fail every day to earn Your grace. But if You let Donald Trump sue Elon Musk for defamation I will clean up my act and do everything I can to glorify you. No monkey’s paw stuff please; I want to be able to cover it too.

this is so good. elon musk and donald trump mutual destruction

“In light of the President's statement about cancellation of my government contracts, @SpaceX will begin decommissioning its Dragon spacecraft immediately”

sometimes I regret warping my brain being so online. but not today. oh no, not today.

Thou shalt release the Epstein files. If Elon is telling the truth, it is likely Trump had Epstein killed.

see this is what he gets for soaking in dude culture — he doesn’t know how psychological warfare works. any woman could’ve told him you don’t pull out the big guns this early.

I just want to say that the DoJ attorneys handling the DOGE cases deserve every bit of how humiliating this is going to be. I hope they suffer.

Keep track of any Democrat or commentator or personality who advocates for Musk to be welcomed back into the fold. These are people you cannot trust and should be kept as far away from the levers of power as humanly possible.

and just because Trump said that he's "less so" likely to release the Epstein files because "you don't want to affect people's lives if it's phony stuff in there" and just because his administration has refused to actually release anything doesn't mean... okay yeah he's in the Epstein files.

Elon Musk has accused Donald Trump of being in the Epstein Files. Here’s the most important follow-up question: was Joe Biden too demented to release this information? Read my book to find out. Jake Tapper tomorrow in the NYT

Dun dun DUN!

if Trump disappears Elon i will speak well of him for exactly one day

Elon Musk says SpaceX will decommission its Dragon spacecraft immediately following Trump's threat to cancel his government contracts.

Dear Democrats in the Senate, Please get ready amendments ready for reconciliation bill that will at least: - defund Starlink - defund all maters related Space X - defund DOGE (calling it a Deep State) And that's just the start. There can be lot lot more. Thanks.

I'm sorry, as much as I am enjoying this spat, how can you take seriously someone who spent 100s of millions of dollars electing Trump, then went to work for Trump, left government just days ago praising Trump, and is now calling for Trump's impeachment. Just unserious people.

Musk calls for Trump to be impeached and replaced with Vance.

I think Susie Wiles hid Trump’s phone.

guys i need to get a 6 pack of beer i'm fucking losing it

Wow: Musk calls for Trump to be impeached