Dear Canada- Please accept our deepest apologies from all decent Americans embarrassed by the obnoxious trolling from our man-baby-in-chief who is lacking in both intelligence & any impulse-control whatsoever. ❤️ from your neighbors below, 🇺🇸 #MakeAmericaNormalAgain

ILLINOIS… Gov. Pritzker…

And now, a note on Bill Owens who, until this past week, was the executive producer of 60 Minutes. We’ll be back next week with another edition of 60 Minutes.

People are NOT understanding what empty cargo ships from China means. It means no work for dock workers. No work for truck drivers, no work for retailers, fewer dollars circulating. The cascade effect is just mind boggling.

Forgive the earnest post here, but one year ago this week, Global Tetrahedron took over The Onion. We've since brought back the paper and ONN, dramatically increased revenue, and hired more writers and artists. But most importantly, as other places debased themselves, we refused to bend the knee.

complete batshit insanity

It’s Election Day, Canada. Go vote Canada Strong.

Pritzker: Time to stop wondering if you can trust the nuclear codes to people who don’t know how to organize a group chat. It’s time to stop ignoring the hypocrisy in wearing a big gold cross while announcing the defunding of children’s cancer research…

All our relations 🆘💙🇺🇸

Please help…👇 Pass. It. On. Save. A. Life. ✨

New in PN: Arresting judges is a 5-alarm escalation "It’s not just that Dugan was arrested, but how she was arrested. The whole point was to cause a scene. There’s no allegation she was attempting to evade arrest, but the FBI still forced a sitting judge to do a perp walk at her place of work."

If you wonder why men *obsessed* with the United States having more children are kidnapping children and sending them to other countries, those children were the incorrect color.

This is Dino. He saw you with that hot dog bun. Tried to get away but tripped over his own ears. 12/10 he has a family

worth every second

Attorney General Pamela Jo Bondi says she is going against corrupt judges. In case you wonder why she hasn’t gone after the *most* corrupt, Clarence Thomas, there is a professional courtesy between lawyers who take bribes.

Peak Canada

ICE Agents Wait At Edge Of Delivery Table To Deport Newborn

Let’s fucking go???

Barry Blitt’s first 100 days cover for the New Yorker.

I’ve mentioned on here that my 16 yo daughter is dialling down schoolwork overwhelm by making linocuts. Here’s her latest design:

Desantis loses it after he gets heckled about ripping off $10 million from FL taxpayers for Casey’s charity.

Barry Blitt’s cover for this week’s issue, “The First Hundred Days.” #NewYorkerCovers nyer.cm/ysrCZ47

Amazing how so on point Andor is.

Cartoon by @billbramhall.bsky.social.

In a game filled with beautiful women in their 30’s, of course the antiwoke guy would pick the 16 year old. The pedocon theory remains undefeated.

This is Donut. He wanted to pop out and say hi. Wondering where your personal chauffeur is. Said you can borrow his, if you'd like. 13/10

Exercise your right to vote today, Canadians! Own your democracy! 🇨🇦🗳️

My Facebook DMs are full of fans like Chris Elliot. Know what I do when I get a message like this? I spend the time to track them down and then send the message to their mothers and sisters and daughters. If you’ve got the energy to send this shit to me, I’ve got the energy to out you.

Happy voting day, Canada. Please remain the sensible one in this North American duplex we share.

Today would be a great day for Chuck Schumer to announce he’s stepping aside as Senate Minority Leader and isn’t going to run for reelection when his term ends. Agree?

Wily Economy Coyote

Dear Canada, we Americans have no business lecturing you on elections, but I hope you learn from our mistake.

Pritzker: The reckoning is here. And now that this culture of timidity is on display, these same do-nothing Democrats want to blame our losses on the defense of Black people, trans kids, and immigrants, instead of on their own lack of guts and gumption.

Pritzker: And we have a president who claims to love America but hates our military so much that can’t be bothered to delay his golf game to greet the bodies of four fallen U.S. soldiers.

Every hour that Pete Hegseth remains in his role, America is less safe. Call your Representative now and tell them it’s time to #FireHegseth (202) 224-3121

I love my echo chamber where everyone values the humanity of other people and enjoys the arts.

Chuck Schumer makes it to the New Yorker cartoon section. And not in a good way. Chuck, this is your legacy unless you seriously step up. @schumer.senate.gov

There was a flurry of news about tariffs. It passed. The real consequences will hit US consumers around Memorial Day. Important then to remind everyone of cause and effect.

I wish we could have snap elections, and that our general elections were limited to 51 days.

I just voted. Make sure you do, too. #CanadaStrong

Pritzker: As a Ukrainian American Jew who built a holocaust museum… let me say this to Donald Trump: Stop tearing down the constitution in the name of my ancestors. Do not claim that your authoritarian power grabs are about combatting anti-semitism.

We fought for our independence. We fought to end slavery. We fought against the rise of fascism in Europe. We fought for civil rights. I refuse to believe we have lost the will to fight for what is right and just.

hahahahahahahaha www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddo...

The Narcan Program Has Saved Thousands Of Lives! This Is Barbaric!

There's only one person who's allowed to enter someone's home without a warrant, and that is Santa.

According to Kash Patel’s own financial disclosure statement, he pocketed $25,000 from a production company operated by a filmmaker associated with a Kremlin-subsidized propaganda project, a pro-Putin oligarch, and a pro-Kremlin disinformation agent. @davidcorn.bsky.social's NEW video explains:

A Horrible Truth That Shouldn’t Be….

Americans put in the Oval Office a man who does not give a damn about the Constitution or the rule of law, but only about consolidating power & wealth for himself & his cronies. Every day we can see the fateful consequences of this disaster--and We the People must decide how long we'll tolerate it.

This whole clip is truly unbelievably great. I am genuinely astounded by how good this is.

#Eagles Jalen Hurts will NOT be visiting the White House today due to “scheduling conflicts”. (Via: @yamiche.bsky.social)

Whoopsie! 🤷

It’s true though.

I want to be clear about this: Fighting for art and speech and jokes and generally not being a piece of shit is good for the soul, obviously. But it's also good for business. The places that abandoned their values to get in line and kiss the ring are fading. The Onion is growing.

FBI Claims Gavel, Black Gowns Prove Ties To MS-13 Gang theonion.com/fbi-cla...

Is this “election fraud” also?

it’s been great that the physical onion newspaper has returned because i love holding real news in my hands

Everything we feared would happen is happening, but faster and worse than we imagined. Anyone go back and check on this guy?

Canada, please don't fuck this up

Thank you for always speaking up, Pedro.

A highlight from the (excellent) new Ben Affleck Criterion Closet vid.

This is Risa. She will be your radiation safety demonstrator for today. Please pay attention, this will be on the test. 14/10

video games were never meant to be 100 GB years of research yet no real-world use found for 4k textures wanted good graphics anyway, as a joke? we had a tool for that: it was called imagining that the game looked like the manual art

Please help us correct misinformation! Our hotline is being incorrectly shared as "Canada's national suicide hotline open toll free for Americans". We are not a general crisis hotline, we exist exclusively to support the trans community. Find out more @ translifeline.org

you guys absolutely rule

I need you to know that yesterday I took a truly substantive number of photos of Santa Monica squirrels

BREAKING: An appeals court dismissed the Guam attorney general's effort to reinstate a total abortion ban. Abortion remains legal in the territory.

Biden on Canada: "Of course it’s an independent country. It’s a great independent country. If I were defecting, I’d go to Canada!" Did you hear that former military, FBI, analysts, and intelligence officials ousted by the Trump regime? that's the move.

Again, they're trying to take away our vaccines. From the head of the FDA, a gross misrepresentation of the annual process of updating a proven vaccine to target new disease strains. His plan would make it impossible to get seasonal flu and Covid shots, and of course he knows this.

Sometimes I put in an absurdly low bid on an eBay auction with the knowledge that I definitely won't get it but also a vanishingly slim hope that MAYBE by some miracle nobody else will bid. Anyway that is how I ended up adding this magnificent glass plate negative to my collection!

There’s an economic tsunami coming our way, and we aren’t prepared for it.

This Should Have Never Been Allowed To Happen….

This is everything to me

The chucklefucks that left comments on my old space heater video about "why should the boxes have Spanish on them, hmmm 🤔" are in power and/or being pandered to and I hate all of it.

Kamala Harris is set to step off the sidelines and go after Trump on Wednesday in her first major address since leaving office. The former vice president’s return to public life, the day after Trump marks 100 days in office, will be at a San Francisco event encouraging women to run for office.

Trump is demanding that DOGE investigate polls after his favorability numbers tanked so badly that even Fox News couldn’t spin them to look good. He’s calling it all “fraud.” Seems like a very “efficient” use of tax dollars.

I've only been in the U.S. Senate for a few months but I'm doing everything I can to fight back against this administration. Now is not the time to sit on the sidelines. We need everyone to be in this fight for the rule of law, our families, and our future.

We’re not just one of the nation’s best states to start a business – we’re proving to be one of America’s most popular states to grow one. In the last two weeks we’ve seen where Philips, Sofidel, and Mayo Clinic are investing billions to create new jobs right here in Minnesota.

This is just wild on how The Atlantic interviewed Trump. I mean, does anyone pick up unknown numbers anymore *other* than the President of the United States?

1. Good news. The extremist online forum Ovarit, which dedicated itself to harassing transgender people on the internet, has finally shut down. The Atlantic noted that it was a hotbed of doxing and harassment. The latest from S. Baum. Subscribe to support our journalism.

To call Francis “the peoples pope“ implies that the Catholic Church knows that previous popes weren’t that into people

Oof.

I know how horrible everything is, but I just got tenure and I refuse to let that man prevent me from celebrating. I genuinely didn't know if I was going to stagger across this line, so I have no intention of taking it for granted.

in honor of the onion being under new management, here’s the Smartest Man In The World making another Wonderful Prediction a year ago

Former Vice President Harris, in her first extensive public remarks since leaving office, will deliver the keynote address Wednesday at the Emerge 20th Anniversary Gala in San Francisco. Emerge recruits and trains Democratic women to run for office.

🏙️ City Bunny Witch

The Civil Rights Division “persecuted” police departments throughout its long history, precisely *because* they were violating civil rights laws. I’m not sure if Harmeet Dhillon is completely ignorant of that history or just a shameless liar, but this is idiotic. www.nytimes.com/2025/04/28/u...